getting on a bus. 1/12 5:23

i just made the 530 outta nyc by 5 min's… talk about cutting it close cuz the next bus i could take leaves tomorrow!
I had found a bb gun in my old room at my parents house, it looked like a .38 six shooter. so i was like cool ill take it with me! smart right. so i run down to gate 68 happy as can be! i walk up to the gate with a shit eaten grin on my face like "here i am! the dumbs who brought a fuckin gun". the two haspanic dudes standing in front of my gate said "we need to do a security check before you get on the bus." my heart sinks and i get sweaty. my heart is pounding and my better judgment is screaming at me for being a retard. i was thinking how to get out of this situation..i say " huh hang on ill.. huh…" one of em says "hey why are you so nervus for?"
now im not shire what there gonna do when they pull this fuckin hand cannon out of my bag but i figured it would be worse if i try and hide it, lie, or run so i spit it out…
'im moving to texas and my dumbs put a bb gun in my bookbag. so they look at each other for a second and one finally says  ok lets see it.
i reach in my bag and i felt like the barrel was 10 inches long. the thing looks light. wooden handle the rest made of metal. i quickly turn it around and hand it to one of em handle first and say.. " im sorry i wasn't thinking when i threw it in there.
they give each other another look and i remember the time when i went to this science learning center with my brothers, dad, and granny.
i had to be like 10 or 11. a while before bobby hacker gave me this huge folding knife and a 10 year old boy holding it the thing looks like a machete. theres this tunnel that you could crawl through with no lights so you had to feel your way through it. and if you didn't want to loose your keys, wallet, k-bar, there was a basket with the guys runnin the tunnel… so this 10 year old pulles this concield weapon out and gingerly places it in the basket. well i get through the tunnel and security is waiting for me at the other side. this place was huge with maybe a thousand people in it.. like 3 or 4 floors and they page my father over the intercom to come and get me and excaliber.
so anyways the guy says to me  " look do you want to sign for this and you can get it some other time, but we cant let you on the bus with it." i said no thankyou. throw it away keep it give it away, i just wanna get on this bus and get to texas.
next stop Philly!!!

on the train

i got butterflies in my stomach when i saw the train pulling up to the beacon station… the fact that im leaving sinking in was unnerving. boarding the train i found my seat across two hotties, gave them the brian casuals "dangerous but sweet guy grin… and i got smiles back… i still got it!
money is starting to make me uneasy. i know i don't have enough, is it ever enough, but i planed this in haste. thats part of the adventure… i packed some food for the bus ride since its gonna be a 2 day ride… hard boiled eggs, pbnj, sone cookies, and the protein mix with the shaker my father gave me. i figured that would get me buy for a few days.. the body needs protein right?
i wonder what texas is gonna be like. the first thing im gonna do when i get there is get to an aa meeting and speak up.. get plugged in, get some numbers and join a home group. its a way to be social, meet people and take care of my sobriety… i understand that some people are worried about me. my aunt liz read on my face book that i was gonna have a get together at the where house on tuesday the 11th…. she called my father and ratted on me about it…telling him that i was having a huge party. i told her it was taco tuesday there and they serve tacos and she says "so thats what there callin it today huh?". i cant get upset about here response cuz of my past. but i kinda want to unfired her on face book cuz wtf? Facebook is a place where i don't wanna worry about what i say. i wanna be able to have that outlet. im shire she's gonna read this blog and aunt liz i love you so much.. thank you for taking such good care of me.
i was thinking about plain my guitar to make some extra cash before the bus leaves but well see…
no matter where i go or end up in life my family will be with me. im my heart, thoughts, mannerisms, movements… cant escape them not that i would want to. i come from a great home and my family, aunts uncles cousins nephews, is all i got in this world… grandpa said it best. "this is what counts… all the rest is bull shit".
i will sussed out there.

leaving home...

snowed like mad last night but everything is still a go... got my ride to the train. just doing some final checks.... Rejoice, O young man, in your youth, and let your heart cheer you in the days of your youth. Walk in the ways of your heart and the sight of your eyes. But know that for all these things God will bring you into judgment.

talking with dad.

the night before i leave me and my father went to the gym.... the mans in great shape... we got home did our thang and ended up talking about everything for about 2 hours... it was great... we talked about work, mommy, texas, girls, patrick, granny... life i guess...
im scared to go some place where i will know no one... but glad to go to a place where no one knows me... a fresh start. ive packed 3 or 4 times not shure how much i should bring...
for a guy whos usto fitting his life in a book bag im haveing a hard time...